Posts Tagged ‘children’

The Downside of Marriage?

As a society and culture, most of us view marriage as an unqualified positive.  A hard thing.  But a positive and beneficial thing.

This article from The Atlantic explores what people may be giving up when they get married.  These losses can include extended support networks and opportunities to grow your other relationships and resources.  These are not a necessary result of marriage, but as the article argues, they are frequent results.

The article touches on several points that I find fascinating, from the impact of same-sex marriage on the couples’ activity level in the LGBTQ community, to the pressure put on marriage by the loss of external support systems, to the potential benefits of marriage alternatives, to the question of whether marriage or stability is best for kids (and are they the same thing?).  

I read a fair number of articles on family, culture, and society and this is one of the most thought-provoking I’ve read in a long while.  I hope you find it useful as well. 

iPad and iPhone Dangers in Family Law

Technology is great.  Information sharing and syncing across your devices is great. But, more than one problem has arisen when kids, spouses or ex-spouses see texts, emails or photos that were not intended for them due to technology. Sometimes, this happens when kids have physical access to a parent’s device. That is easy enough to prevent.  What is trickier is when the kids have their own device (iPad, iPhone, iTouch) that is synced to the parents iCloud or Apple ID.  In that case, texts, messages, photos and other things that are intended for the parent can show up on the kid’s device. In order to avoid that problem in your life, here’s an article that helps explain how to avoid your private messages ending up in front of other people:  http://www.iphonejd.com/iphone_jd/2015/02/ipad-tip-turn-off-messages.html. When it comes to this problem, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

What Divorce Attorneys (and Clients) Should Learn From Dr. Seuss

I’ve got young kids and there are no books I enjoy reading to them more than Dr. Seuss.  The lessons, philosophy and morality packed into each of his stories is truly genius. I recently read the read The Zax again and was reminded how apropos it was for a divorce lawyer and my clients. Here’s a refresher for you: Just as the north going Zax and the south going Zax find themselves at odds and refuse to move, many divorce attorneys and their clients do the same in trying to resolve family disputes and divorces.  And, just as the Zax waste their lives in intractable conflict while the world goes on around them, many clients are lead to waste time and money in intractable court battles or negotiations. (A telling part of the story is when the South Going Zax boasts that he was taught to handle conflict this way in South Going (read, law) school!) It is easy to see that the Zax are silly to act on their principles because their principles seem so inane to us. But, to the Zax, those principles are everything.  Those principles mean as much to the Zax as our children, financial security and peace of mind mean to us. So, the real lesson is that often in the world, even deeply held principle must give way to creative problem solving.  Otherwise, we would all still be standing in front of the first Zax that we came across. And we would miss the opportunity to resolve the conflict so that we could again focus on our children, financial security and peace of mind. If you are facing a divorce, or are in the middle of the divorce, think about whether you (or your attorney) are a Zax and what you are missing (or spending) while you stand there defending your principle.  Perhaps refusing to budge is your best strategy, but perhaps altering course slightly will get you to your goal quicker.