There is one big reason why I choose to represent divorce clients in collaborative divorce, mediation and other non-litigation processes: Avoiding this.
The story of The Psycho Ex Wife blog is awful. It is the story of a couple with two children who were divorced but could not stop fighting.
Eventually, Anthony Morelli started the blog to essentially derogate his wife and say all of the nasty things about her that he could imagine. And, to spread the love, he got his new wife involved in the fun.
I’m not sure how he thought this blog was in the best interests of his children. As the judge in his case correctly pointed out, it seems unlikely that Morelli can adequately focus on both the best interests of his children and destroying their mother on the internet.
In fact, child psychologists will tell you that one parent’s out of control anger towards the other will almost always have seriously negative implications for the children. After all, what kind of anger management is he modeling for his kids? And, who really comes off as psycho?
However, based on the 200,000 visitors a month, and the number of visitors sharing their anger about an ex-spouse, it seems that this kind of nightmare divorce scenario is all too common these days.
The good news is that there are good ways to get divorced without generating so much anger and hatred. Is anger a natural emotion in a divorce? Absolutely. But, through collaborative divorce and mediation, the anger is processed and managed so that both parents and children can move on without having to live in the anger of the divorce for years down the road.
After all, what is the point of getting divorced if you are going to spend the rest of your life letting your ex-spouse still control so much of your time and energy?
Can you imagine what Anthony Morelli and his new wife could accomplish if they spent less time focusing on how angry they are, and invested that time into something more productive? How much more time could they devote to their kids, their marriage, their careers, or, here’s a crazy thought, doing something constructive in the world? And, how must the new wife feel about her husband being so wrapped up in his ex-wife?
Bottom Line: If you want to spend your days blogging about how crazy your ex is, then by all means, choose an adversarial process for your divorce. Court rooms and hostile attorneys are the perfect recipe for that kind of post-divorce misery.
But, if you would actually like to move on from your divorce in some sort of healthy way so that you can focus on something other than how much you hate your ex, then collaborative divorce or mediation may be your answer.