Making Divorce Decisions in the Face of Uncertainty

Dec 5, 2012

“How Do I Know if I’m Making the Right Decision?”

This is one of the most common dilemmas that people face in negotiating divorce, custody, alimony, equitable distribution and child support issues.  In fact, the fear of making the wrong decision can paralyze people and prevent them from making any decisions.  

In my last blog post, I talked about the negative impact of indecision.  The fear of making the wrong decision is one powerful fear that feeds indecision. 

However, in a divorce context or any other, making decisions in the face of uncertainty it is critical. 

The fact of the matter is that there are poor, better and best decisions.  But, there are rarely right and wrong decisions.  There are great decisions that turn out poorly and terrible decisions that work out well.  No one has a crystal ball, and even the best analysis and prediction can be laid waste by future events.  Life, as they say, is uncertain. 

Nonetheless, decisions must be made.  The best way that I know to handle the discomfort of making difficult decisions in the face of uncertain outcomes is from the book Difficult Conversations by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen of the Harvard Negotiation Project. 

These authors give the following advice: 

Don’t spend your time looking for the one right answer about what to do.  It’s not only a useless standard, it’s crippling.  Instead, hold as your goal to think clearly as you take on the task of making a considered choice.  That is as good as any of us can do.

That is tremendous advice in both divorce and life.

 

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