The vast majority of my clients with children share one huge concern: My divorce will ruin my children’s chances of being happily married.
Fortunately, the research does not support the idea that divorce, by itself, negatively impacts the odds of a child being happily married.
The research does show that the most important factor for kids of divorce is not that their parents were divorced, but the level of ongoing conflict between the parents.
So, if you want to protect your child from the negative effects of divorce, follow these guidelines:
- De-escalate conflict between you and your spouse whenever possible;
- Address conflict as quickly as possible so that mole hills do not become mountains;
- Choose a divorce process that promotes peace and problem-solving, like collaborative divorce or interest based mediation;
- Choose lawyers that promote problem solving and non-combative tactics;
- Treat your spouse as the parent of your children, and not as your enemy.
These steps will not make your divorce easy for you or your child. But, they will help insulate your child from the lasting negative impacts of divorce.